Boundaries Make You Stronger

With terms like "snowflake" being thrown around lately it is important to remember that being kind doesn't mean you are weak or an easy target for people who are choosing to behave in a mean way.

A person can be kind, considerate and have a passionate opinion without inviting others to slam them nor being drawn into slamming others.  The important component is BOUNDARIES.  

Set them:

Use "I" statements.  This is setting a clear boundary that you are speaking for yourself and not condemning others who may have a differing opinion.

Make simple statements like: "I respect your opinion but it's hard to hear what you are saying when you are speaking to me using harsh and belittling language".  "I would like to hear your opinion.  Can we talk respectfully with each other?"

Walk away.  Sometimes things are too heated or the other person is not in a place where he/she can communicate respectfully at that moment.  Walk away from the conversation and try again later.  "I need to go.  I'll talk to you later".

Re-affirm and disengage.  When harsh statements are being made and it is clear the person is not interested in having a healthy dialogue, make a simple statement re-affirming your opinion and exit the conversation.  This allows you to feel better about the event (e.g., you didn't just walk away when a person was using racist language) but it protects you from engaging in a potentially escalating conversation.

Be firm.  "Please don't use those words around me".  You may have to say this over and over again.

Cut your losses.  Some people don't want to have a respectful/rational conversation.  Some people are motivated to prove their point to win at all costs.  Unfortunately, some people are not interested in considering the alternative to their opinion.  If you continue to engage these people you are setting yourself up to feel frustrated and maybe even angry. Your opinion is still valid even if you stop talking to some people about it.   If it's a person you still need to be around (e.g., family), make a firm statement saying you will not engage in these conversations with him/her. "I won't talk about this topic with you".  Stay strong.  Some people will try to goad you into the conversation especially if you are outnumbered.

In setting your boundaries you take the high road while being proud of being kind, considerate and compassionate toward others.