Happy Holidays???

The media and our culture convinces us that the holidays should be a great time and that we should be jolly and feel peace and tranquility when we are with our extended families. In reality that is easier said than done. Incidents of depression and anxiety go up around and especially after the holidays. 

So what can we do to not only manage but increase our joy during the holidays?

• Expectations – stop hoping that things will be different. Past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior. If that one family member has made negative remarks about your cooking in the past chances are it will happen again this year. Instead try….

• Do something about it. 

         * Be prepared with a calm response such as “It really hurts my feelings when you are critical of my cooking. I have worked  really hard to make things special for you and the family”. The family member may not know that your feelings have been hurt. 

         * Say positive things to yourself such as “I like my cooking. Other family members like my cooking. I feel good when I do this for the family. Not everyone has to like my cooking for me to feel good about it”. Talking kindly to yourself decreases the negative impact of someone’s negative words.

        *Don’t over focus on the negative comment. Look around and remember the positives.

• Be realistic – This isn’t the movies. People aren’t perfect. They hurt each other and get on each other’s nerves. Families have positive and negative history. Focus on the positive history. Plan positive and fun activities. Don’t worry if everyone doesn’t participate, you can still have fun. It’s contagious!

• Lean on your supports –  Find that person who will listen, but who will not encourage you to stay negative. If the phone call turns into trading complaints it may feel good in the moment but it actually encourages you to remain focused on your anger and hurt.

• Use humor – If you look for it you will find it.

• Recharge - Plan for a stress free rejuvenating activity for after the holidays.